birthday list

ian. i am sorry that i borrowed your CD over the year. will return this sunday. it's in good condition.

school started for a week already. there's no one day that i feel like going to school. for almost every class that i stepped into, there's a project brief already. classes have not been confirmed, so i cant say for sure who's in my class. there's some to die for people to have in the class. yajun, peiqi, ser, who are doing so well and yet remain humble. there are some people i dont like. they dont like me too. so it's okay. charmaine, joycelyn. i dont mind having them in the same class, coz basically we would end up ignoring each other. but it kinda spoils your day when you see them. sighz.

lecturers are cool. really cool. maybe 'cept my communication skills lecturer and my visual communication project two lecturer. it's difficult to fit them with the COOL tag, but nevertheless, they are nice women. hon is sooooooo cute. he's one funny man. he did the "designer" rendition of the cold storage ad with the man stacking stuff and then later became a cashier. it was hilarious. and he didnt do it once, he just went on and on. but it really got me thinking harder. will i really become a designer at the end of the day? nopez. dont think so. hopefully not. i want to became a special education teacher or a bus driver. maybe a farmer. haha. not a designer lah. terence's not as scary as i perceive him to be. but for a guy with no expectations of us hopes that we can become more beautiful, more open minded, more appreciative of others without discrimination, do not need much sleep, more energetic, he is nice. but i am having problems understanding him sometimes, especially when he refers to specific people. and his grammar is rather bad. peggy is still peggy. a bit sarcastic, but loads of fun. there's only four year two students in her class. and i expect those kids to think we are repeat students. but WE ARE NOT!! we are just doing this to fulfill credit units requirements. lots more in the next semester. will be taking loads of year one subjects though i will be in year three!

to a certain mr ho. i think you shouldnt worry so much for my brother or for me when you need so much help yourself. to put it simply, mind your own business. my bro is doing fine, should i say, much better than you. you guys are from the same batch. he's completing ns, after his polytechnic education and is soon starting on his university education. but you cannot even complete your education within six semesters, not because you are incompetant, but you cant be bothered to, and worse still, you are finding excuses. and dont blame your classmate for your situation, you are incharge of your own life. and if you got no money, get a job, dont watch so many movies, and dont say you cant live your life without music, that's why you have to keep buying CDs.

to agnes lee. actually i got nothing against you. really. in fact, i thought we could be friends. but you couldnt mind your own business and that's when i started detesting you. i really thought i could forgive, and then forget. but it's so difficult to forget. i really hope i could. then amidst all that bad feeling and i believed you hated me then, you borrowed my portfolio bag. i wondered if you felt a sense of shame. but i didnt mind. i lent it to you. you took it for a whole semester. and had no intention of returning until i asked for it. i didnt mind. coz people forget. i still have ian's CD with me. for a long time. then you scratched it, and you gave me the option of taking it back or you buying it from me. i chose to sell it to you. i hate lending stuff to people and getting it back worse than i lent it. another semester came and gone. i didnt get either my bag back or the money. i thought maybe $50 may be difficult to cough up in a short while, considering design students are poor. but come jan 2004, one whole year passed and you are asking me to take back the spoilt bag, saying that it's only a small defect and that it's my fault that i didnt ask for it back earlier. if you have been more polite, i dont mind giving you more time to pay back. but your tone and attitude doesnt say much of your gratefulness and your apologeticness. but i am not very rich, and $50 is alot of money to me, considering that i have been earning my own pocket money since i was 17. but i make sure i dont owe people money. actually if you have saved 50c a day, you would have got the money in 100 days. (ian, correct me if i am wrong. i am bad in math) and with 365 days, you would have saved $180, more than enough to pay me back. or if you saved 20c a day, by 365 days, you would have sufficient amount to pay me back. i am also broke, but i lived on instant noodle and bread and managed to pay those people i owe money. so basically it's about how you see it. $50 is not alot of money to some people and it's ridiculous to fall out coz of $50, but i want it back, coz that's what you owe me and it called responsibility.

anywayz. i am just very upset over these people and need to get it off. coz i can never say it in front of them. maybe coz it's really not worth saying coz it will not make things better, maybe i am just a coward. but it really will not help saying in front of them. sighz.

moses made us go to school for a communication session with him. it was inspirational, motivational, like ernest said. but it wasnt really all that helpful or should i say, he didnt know when to stop. he should have stopped when we were all motivated and raring to go. sighz. he is not bad lah. just a bit lor soh.

i sent out a very ridiculous email. asking people to make fashion statement. hope they understand what i am trying to say. i am just trying to complete terence's project. haha

off to brush my teeth. i am craving for some coke. and looking forward to chinese new year =)

i need to apologize. to all those people i "harassed" with my lousy smses this afternoon. i was really bored. it was bina's class.

i need to thank some people.
justin. for accompanying me and helping me with the subject registration stuff.
pearl. for being such a dear.
mr alan yeo. of BB 13th coy. thanks for the lift. did you know that we were total strangers till i asked you your name?

i have a 22 hours week! i took 64Cus already + 22Cus this sem + 8Cus for SIP. i am 26Cus away from graduation!!

sighz.

kenneth talked to me today. in his car, on my way home. i hate such talks. now i suppose i cant say that i dont like ivan to ian's batch because it's bad influence to them, or why rongchang didnt want to join the youth because i might just set negative feelings in them, or how i find his sermons un-understandable because it will lead them in the wrong way. actually i think i am no influence towards them. let's see it from my view:

nicholas : frankly speaking, the first time i really spoke to him was in camp. last year's camp. and he's always not around after YE to talk to.
huijuan: i dont really know her coz she doesnt really talks to me. it's only because i am her supervisor that she is starting to speak to me.
ian: i think it's him who will influence me instead of the other way round.
moses: hey! does this guy even talk to me??
joshua: i spent half the time talking to him about me accepting my role as auntie and no more in denial.
sarah: we talk lah. like i talk to the rest. maybe more intimate. coz i know her better.
debra: all i know about this girl is her bing bang bong. haha.

actually i like talking to them and hearing their views because most of the time, they express themselves so much better than myself and that they have very mature thinking. i am like, learning so much from them. sighz. all the thing about me influencing them. sighz.

and during the camp debrief, something unpleasant happened. it is quite sickening and it made me upset. sighz.

school is starting tomorrow. and i am seeing bina every monday again. sighz.

i am broke. after paying the money to those who bought stuff. i still owe my mother $200. not that she would ask for it, but i take it upon myself to pay her back. and my uncle too. all those calls from KL. sighz.

i cant find my socks. and i have to wear shoes to school again. at least for the first few days. sighz.

my mum cleaned my room. and it's giving her a back ache now. i can understand why. i have a pig sty for a room. sighz.

camp photos were ruined and i dont know why. i almost wanted to quit all my photography subjects this semester because seeing those empty negatives make me feel that photography is so uncertain. and so expensive. i am paying for all those useless plastics. sighz.

having to face terence for six hours a week. i used to like him alot. coz he's so cool. sighz.

i got five hours with mama chan. sighz.

i miss my dad. i dont like people asking about my family. it's so difficult to share. dont ask me why. sighz.

kaez. i complained enough. *gRinz* we all need to take a break sometimes. gonna work hard from tomorrow onwards. no more slacking. no more lazing around. no more hanging around in studios and darkrooms and jupiter cafe not doing anything, 'cept for eating and talking. no more being mean to ivan. no more gossipping. no more saying that tenghong is short.

anywayz. got stuff to be thankful. sarah likes the heart ear studs though she got no ear holes. shu en seem to like the bandana and the colourful ear studs. moses likes the photos and the really cute boy/girl ear studs. i forgot to tell him that one is for him, and the girl one is for the girl he likes. sighz. haha. and i am left with getting something for ian, which i know what to get already. and lene. yea!! i am happy!!

going to drink one more glass of coke. then brush my teeth. pack my bag. do my QT then sleep. i cant access my page coz stupid blogger is stupid. sighz. haha.