goodbye
::a very special day::
thank you for helping. am really grateful. hope you were not late. (: i have decided to give up photography. every photography session is a guilt trip. i have to keep saying sorry. perhaps it's just not me. after going to school and learning new stuff, i realise that the reason why i am in school is not the reason why i am going to stay in school afterall. i am sorry, cheeyong, that i said i was interested and passionate about photography and that i would become a photographer. forgive me. afterall i was just a girl who was barely 17. expectations. and the disappointments that come when expectations are not met breaks a person. i feel broken. and i cant pick myself up anymore. and i am not trying. too tired. perhaps when there is someone like richard avedon or don mccullin who will inspire me, i will maybe, pick up the camera and shoot nice things again. i am becoming too comfortable with myself that i wanna be on my own all the time. i enjoy the peace and quietness, and it's not loneliness. it's a nice feeling. of silence, of peace, of stillness. i cant understand God's creation, Man anymore. i realise that people dont see the need to give as much as you do. nor do they appreciate you the way you enjoy their presence. perhaps it's just me. designed to be alone. a personal message before i go. hey bro, it's really nice to walk beside you again. the silence was awkward, but listening to your footsteps again in the night is something that is so uncommon. when was the last time i really heard you talk, served you food, walked with you. thank you for being such a good brother. i look up to ya, y'noe. from young. people call me your carbon copy, i sometimes feel proud to be called that, coz you are just so amazing to me. will wait for the day when we will talk again. i love my grandma. she's my best model. obliging. professional. beautiful. to me.
to you. if you are reading this. i am really really thankful that you are coming down to help because i am really really in need of someone. thank you very very much. i really appreciate it. a lot. a whole lot. thank you. thank you!!
fashion photography is expensive. more expensive than product and advertising photography i think. lets count. fashion: slide:3x4.5=13.5 polaroid:2x18=36 makeup:50 more slide:3x4.5=13.5 taxi fare:20 myrtle's treat:20 scan@30MB:2x30=60 print@A2:2x15=30 laminate@A2:4x10=40 first shoot:30 processing:15 total:325 product and advertising cherries and tomotoes:50 slides:32 polaroid: 5x18=90 cloth:10 perfume:30 processing:45 coffee:6 total:i cant count. but it's cheaper aint it? reality bites. i dont have much friends. fashion is beautiful. so beautiful. bizarre is when people dont recognize the ugliness of it behind the scene. hard work is being ignored, people go through hell trying to put on a beautiful outfit. for the sake of fashion. fashion looks comfortable. bizarre is when fashion is actually not about comfort but about the confidence to carry the style. fashion is stupid. bizarre is when people still want to do it. fashion is about loving the moment. fashion is about taking on another identity. fashion is what you perceive. bizarre is when you try to define passion. fashion belongs to you. because no two person is alike. bizarre is when you try to copy someone's style. fashion cares not about what's before nor who's following. fashion is bizarre. i am going to sleep. just reached home. i take comfort in the song. what a friend we have in Jesus. What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer. Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer. Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care? Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer. Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer! In his arms he'll take and shield thee; thou wilt find a solace there.
i am in a crazy good mood.
resubmitted prepress. hate the look on hon's face. it says, hiak hiak. resub. hiak hiak. it's worse than a D for ya. how freaky can that get. went for consultation with terence. haha. amazing, eh? he's quite nice. the consultation was over in less than three minutes. i love his way of thinking, so critical, yet so creative. i love his style. i love his perfectionism. i love his short grey pants. what i cant stand is his piercing glance that goes, KA-BOOM!! you are dead! had a good lunch today. pastamania with my brother. on him. parted with ninety dollars of my own money today. sob sob. please dont ask me out. i cant resist such temptations but have no money. lawrence sir just called. a business deal could be on its way. *money money money* but it's something good to have but not must have. so i hope it's positive lah. sighz. now i know what siblings are for. they hog the computer when you need to hand in your project tomorrow. here am i, going to depart from my beloved. anywayz, before i forget, moses, all the best for your match. =) this kid makes me smile and i am in no way, i mean NO way related to her. i wanna have kids as cute as her and james. hehe. praise God for His goodness. even in bad times. be careful. it's first april tomorrow.
damn. i have to do resubmission for prepress.
damn. i woke up late. damn. i still got no concept for fashion imaging. damn. i didnt know you took it so seriously. damn. my friend's dog died. was so sad seeing her today. she was crying. i never really liked dogs or that friend. but i think the dog's her family and when family dies, it's sad. real sad. sighz. may God grant her peace and strength. damn. i will be late for class tomorrow. ..
ladeedar~
in a better mood. yea! finished prepress. just the nitty gritty details that i have to ask someone tomorrow. think the work's pretty cool. i like it! view it here. lene.. i go read the thingy first then i tell you whether i wanna watch kaez. trying to save lah. money's a problem these days. i want work. should i go for the IdN my favourite conference. sounds really good. maybe i should. it's ninety dollars. lene. i saw the bag. it's ninety nine. so ex. and not very nice. not big enough for athree. i need to sleep before i can work again. hey shall we made the NKF song as the gige's theme? i always laugh when i hear it. had consultation with bina today. usually i would just dismiss it. but actually, she thinks quite deep. today's consultation is thought provoking. terence class tomorrow. one word. skip!! i am the best! jf. i cant help for northbrooks. but will make myself available for the other stuff... only if it doesnt clash with attachment. ian. i like the sunday worship! nice. though i didnt manage to listen to all. i was there until i simply live for you. need prayer. more discipline. less sleep. thank you. i am so crap now, knowing i have finished work for tomorrow. ser. saw you at suntec. how come you never come for class today. had a good time with ek and da jie on saturday. i like batchmates. not anyone else. i think so. saw huiyi ma'am today!! so nice to see her. she's forever so cool. if i can choose what to fail this semester, i will choose alternative process and darkroom techniques, fashion imaging and environmental graphics. used up my "leave" for env. graphics already. was reading friendster testimonials. was thinking about photographers. seems that anyone with a digital camera is a good photographer. i think i am not one. i am just someone who's competent with different cameras. if someone who can use the camera is a photographer, even those who use point and shoot camera, then that kinda bring down real photographers, people who takes pride in their craft, spend time honing it, with real passion. i am a camera person who seeks to be a photographer. lalalala. crap. will you love me?
i skipped environmental graphics. again. someone help me please.
it's not bizarre.
i am upset with myself today. so wont need the favour. i think i dont "click" with you. wont try. goodbye. i am sticky. i need my bath. the bathroom light is faulty. sigh. i am doing potato. thank you mingzong sir. cheers. i think i will start all my cca breaks next year. for a whole year. law. i really dont want to go for WRCD. i dont wanna see some people. but i will go if you really need a PA thank you jf. it's so nice of ya. but it's hard to stay strong. i falter, on my own. how i wish i have gotten a bite of that apple. goodbye. maybe it's for real. haha. fat hope.  |