+if thats proof of my insignificance, i am speechless

i am not making sense again. isnt that so me. hahas

came back from camp. wont say i didnt enjoy it. but redundant is the word. loved the company of my mates. thanks babes. my jianfu papa is getting enlisted soon. do take care. thank you angela ma'am for the kind words. sorry louis sir and andy sir. thank you danial for teaching me cantonese. you have been a nice walking partner and i never had someone tapping my shoulders just to say bye. thanks guoxiu ma'am for ahem. thank you andy sir for the ride to the mrt. thank you ruixian ma'am. its been a long time since i had such nice company for breakfast. thank you mel mum and jorin. sorry royce. thank you stella for being helpful and the zhou jie lun ringtone in the morning. thank you yingshenganddanial for helping out in the kitchen for dinner. yingsheng i hope you are not so sad anymore. thank you vivian ma'am for being my laopo for my campfire so i was not dateless for that while. sorry to those i made upset. thank you mingzong sir for you. a camp is not a camp without you. but i kinda miss your guitar. bet you had your last laugh when you pulled your bag along when everyone else had to carry theirs. but i bet andy sir laughed louder coz he had a car to put everything in. then again, you probably got a lift. thank you dorlisa because i enjoyed your company. sorry to those who were walking behind me on the campfire night. i heard you but i was too upset to turn around. sometimes i just want to live in my own world so i make everything surrounding me oblivious. to the one that i tapped your shoulder. it was not for fun. i just wanted to talk to you and find out how you are doing but if you choose to ignore me, then fine. i wont bother the next time.

i would rather be left alone most of the time because i hate it when people screws up the things i set out to achieve. like the boiling water and the dinner. go and die.

i dont understand myself anymore and i dont try to. i am confused. but i am sure that i dont want to be there for the next camp. who am i kidding, i am no longer needed and probably wanted. i dont understand why i stay up so late just to do some things, but its like me to want to see people happy. iwc doesnt seem to quite like what i made but its always nice to go down to hengs cos hes so nice. if theres something i want, i just want to be with God. literally.

now i understand that shu and amanda will be going to nz together for some school stuff. silly me didnt realise that till i read one of your blogs. enjoy. will pray for journey mercy. and those at church camp. please enjoy yourself and enjoy God's presence. and silly me went to shus blog looking for amandas blog and vice versa. i am so sorry.

was kinda upset over lots of stuff without understanding why. but was happy that peggy finally came to visit me and i talked to her without thinking that someone might hear us. hahas. peggys really nice and theres always a couple of lecturers that you will like and she tops my list. since we are at lecturers, lets talk about them. i like kin cos hes so easily to talk to and hes really patient and kind. he is the kind that doesnt mind teaching you something over and over again if you really cant understand. i like peggy too. shes cool and straightforward. i like her class. shes strict but shes fun and she doesnt really come late for class and i always like illustrators. i like terence. i like his way of thinking. very bizarre and extremely creative. hon is funny. i like petersams voice. really nice. i like ernest too. i want to major in what he teaches. anthropology. but they are not starting that class, i bet due to the lack of interest in students. i like the old man derek. hes not old at all. not yet forty. but he looks like some old man with his white hair. i like cheeyong. i like his persistence in perfection in his craft. i like ronald though he failed me for fourteen consectutive weeks and made me scared to go for his class. he draws very well. there you must be wondering, i probably named half of my school. yah. probably. i like people. alot of them. but there are some that i dont like too. like wahidah. shes so irritating. and she obviously have no love whatsoever and how does she teach some development subject. i dont like the dsc either. i think its crap. dont tell them i said it. i kinda like nancy too. though she gave me a C but i knew i deserved every bit of that C she gave me but not the D that hon gave.

and before i know it, theres only six more working days. peggy came today and she was shocked to know most of the lecturers finished visiting their students. we talked bad about moses. glad she felt the same way. hahas. and was glad to walk her to staceys place. she didnt get wet but i didnt and she didnt take off her shoes when she came in. just like auntie doris. whats up with lecturers and their shoes ah? they cant seem to part. da jie jie is sick but boss made her come down. silly boss. i didnt quite like da jie jie in the first place but i like her better now. shifu dont call me baby now. actually its ro mama that does that. she calls me sweetheart and da jie jie heartthrob, esp when we bicker. too bad she missed peggy today.

i was talking to mz sir about some business during the camp. sounds attractive but i dont know whether i can draw. i just wanna draw. lots and lots of pretty stuff. but i cant draw.

i am a lazy person. i hate inking my drawings and bolding the names in my blog and i dont wanna do the crosstalk crowbar thing. i have a couple more days. angel blogged the last time about wanting to meet friends. but i dont. i used to like hanging out. but now i dont. i feel tired. i wanna do photography, but cant find time in the day. i feel like smashing my handphone. should be quite interesting but i know i cant cos i wont get a new one even if i do that. i wanna a lot of things. i want the apple.

i think i written enough for one month. so i wont write for the next one month. tomorrow will be another mundane day at work. calling printers, courier, opening doors cos another lousy interviewee spoilt the door. edwin says peggy looks like an interviewee. hahas. i realised that when i pick up the phone at home, i sounded so much like work. y'noe, the receptionist you hear when you call some company. i do that most of the time and i hate cheryl and coreen. idiots. i am sad but i dont wanna cry. and for the record, i didnt cry for a couple of days. perhaps i am getting numb to the world. i think its not too bad an idea.

kinsing i want the password to your blog.

i feel bad. i was rude to mom again. but i dont like it that she vents her anger on me. i know its tiring to work. esp for her. but sometimes i just let the devil take over me. and i feel sorry for her. i know she has a hard time at work and people are harassing her in the middle of the night because of their incompetance. remember what i said about professionalism? and i miss her for the four days that i didnt see her. and i am exactly like her, if i lose my temper at someone, i will always call back to apologise. and thats exactly what she did. i am sorry mom. sometimes i am tired too. and sometimes you dont know where it hurts yah. dad is sick. hope he is getting better.

i wanna go jogging and shopping. and i want lots of time to do photography, to go for senseless mrt and bus rides, to go shopping to go to the beach to go to my grandmas house to hang out with my little darl to find some friends. i know i am kinda stupid and silly. but thats shirley for this little while. bear with me. its just a little while.

next entry july ninth twenty o four. maybe i will be happy not that i am not now. am fine. will be better.

damn. as soon as i started proofreading my blog. i found an error. silly me.