birthday list

+blown

i spent some good time alone today. i went to the beach. sat there reading my book.

cloudy day.

i think we should just spend some time a day smiling at a child. you get more than a smile in return.

i deleted some stuff that i wrote. political correctness.

+contrary

when i say i am a contrary person. i truly am. do not doubt me.

i regretted saying that i will give them the pictures.

because the minute i clicked upload, i hated all those who asked me for the pictures.

i hate people who dont know me.

i hate explaining myself to them all over again.

i hate group projects.

i hate it when they crumpled my book.

i hate it when she took my camera.

i hate to put up my work like this.

i will hate taking pictures after this.

ming's for sale again.

damn. i hate this feeling.

+i saw a pretty girl today

nah. i didnt have the time to look into a mirror today. so its not me.

i saw her at borders. she looks not a day past one. a very lovely girl. not exactly the prettiest, but she charmed me with her smile. she almost crashed into me. i am so glad i didnt step on her. her father was near her. he kept so close to his little princess. i could from his eyes that she was the most beautiful girl in his life, his pride and probably his life too.

i thought about my father at that point in time. am i the most important to him? maybe not. but then mum always says that i was the little girl that dad was waiting for. that daddy always wanted a little girl in his family and that is why i am on this world. i am the youngest in the family. i am the only one who dont share rooms. i am the most pampered, most loved and most irritating. i want my dad to be my lover (:

i thank God so much for the rain because the rain hides the tears so well.

you bluff me. you are always not there when i am sad. what friend.

my best friend is denise bryan.

it was a very nice meeting up. but i got sad after meeting. things are not like before and its sad.

cherish your loved ones kaes, the young ones.

i bought a book. i dont know whats the title. but it has got a nice orange cover and a little illustration of a dog.

i wanna get some children books. i wanna get that LCA.

i am going to sleep. maybe i can dream of a nice smile for tomorrow.

i am going to upload the pictures for them, i think. because i smiled so much when i took them and i should return them that smiles.

+something made me sad today

my lecturer got quite mad at us today. we are such late people.

thursdays will always be smiley. at least from twelve to three.

she found my smile today, at least during her class.

shes my fav lecturer, after the old man.

i hope mr sam is not crappy today.

weiliang asked me why am i so sad today, like i said, smiling is tough business.

theres lots of emotions going on today. weird ones.

i dont feel like talking but i hope there will be people around me.

watched the olympics today. i marvel not at the human spirit but at the wonders of God.

He made the human body so graceful, so beautiful, so strong. the mind so determined. the heart so loved.

i am awed by my God.

He is such a awesome God. Amen?

i miss some people. the really important people who are missing. will you please come back and love me? i havent seen ya for so long. so long.

the smiles lost again. maybe i can find it tomorrow.

i am hungry, but i dont wanna eat.

why are you not here with me?

+smiling is tough business

i am sucidal. nah. i am just sad.

my eyes are swollen now.

i didnt cry, its dust. i cleaned out half my room.

the real work begins tomorrow, when i have to lug all the rubbish downstairs.

i am no longer the sentimental idiot i used to be.

i threw out stuff that i used to think was important.

dont promise to be a friend when you cant be there. though it will be nice if someone is there.

i was angry with lots of people.

with my brothers, with the fishes, with myself, with some people.

i am still angry at myself.

remember i said i was going to upload pictures for them.

now i am not. they bugged me so much that i am irritated.

i take pictures because i enjoy the process.

if you really want the pictures, give me a call, buy me breakfast/lunch/dinner, i will burn a copy for you. if you want me to edit them for you, i want an icecream. btw is known as glace in french.

i hope i am right.

so fyi. i will be in town tomorrow. and friday.

aha. this is not applicable to my mate and all the charlie instructors. you will get yours.

All heavy laden acquainted with sorrow/May Christ in our marrow carry us home/From alabaster come blessings of laughter/A fragrance of passion and joy from the truth/Grant the unbroken tears ever flowing/From hearts of contrition only for You/May sin never hold true that love never broke through/For God's mercy holds us and we are His own/This road that we travel may it be the straight and narrow/God, give us peace and grace from You, all the day/Shelter with fire, our voices we raise still higher/God, give us peace and grace from You, all the day through/

-jars of clay. this road

very apt description of how i am feeling now.

i crave the peace from God.

prayer buddy: i need prayer!

+i marvel at my stupidity. clap for me, dear world. french is at eleven, not ten. i went to school at nine, trying to finish up the last bit of presentation. i went to the class three times, only to find no one there. hahas. laugh, world. laugh.

heys angelene, i am finally meeting her. but it seems that shes not excited after such a long time of not meeting up. i am scared. what if theres awkward silence. i will freak out. sighs.

i wanna go to the underwater world. who wants to come with me??

i have no tuition on friday. yeah. its a happy thing. tuition on friday is killing all of my social life, considering i dont have much to start off with, its pretty detrimental. hahas. so if i meet her for lunch, i still can carry on my original plans of walking around on my own. now the point is, i have yet to decide where i will be walking. i am quite tired of the city hall area. i walked there so many times, on my own, with people, with ming, with xiaoqiang, with hongmengs camera, its just so many times. but its a good place to be at too, cos i met derek the old man there several times too. hahas. aha.. maybe i will just go to city hall.

class is starting. studio is filled with people i dont wanna see again. not the damn year twos. but just some classmates i dont like to see.

i wanna be happy too.

+i am not mad anymore

i have calmed down. actually i was just irritated by those little twerps. they have the cheek to stare at my friends when its their fault. little twerps, i hope you fall down and hit your head.

my brother is sick. i better start hanging around him more. a three days mc would do wonder for me.

mr sams class is lousy today. all the talk about being punctual and all. we started after nine thirty. i rushed the damn storyboard leh. he was mad at some groups for not presenting their creatives. but i can conclude that all lecturers, maybe except hon, are kind. look at the way mr lim and mr sam critique their students, its either that or i have become more thick skinned lately. we didnt have all that of a good idea, but he made us believe that we have an excellent thing going on.

you know all that talk about not sending pictures, all the trouble and all, guess what i did today. i resized the pictures, sorted them out and then edited the really bad ones, and then i even rotated the pictures so that you dont have to tilt your head to see them. whoa~ i am impressed with myself. hahahs. there are still pictures undone yet. sighs. i cant really understand why am i doing this, maybe cos photoshop CS has automated functions, so i dont have to stare at the screen. then again, maybe i love them so much.

i was thinking that if yesterdays incident of those little twerps in our studio happened today, i probably would not have lost my temper. yesterdays a typical bad day. today is better. maybe cos we finished advertising campaign first presentation. and french presentation is done up quite long ago. hahas. i better get my visual merchandising done if not kristine will slice me up.

the people i wanna chat with is always not online. i must do something to surf when they are online. hahas.

we went out for lunch today. its so rare that we do that. cos i am always so lazy to get out of school if i dont have to. i bought stuff for my kid. he looked pretty bad today. he didnt exactly want to study. i had to cajole him into studying. i am glad he was a bit happier when i left. he makes me like giving tuition. but i get paid least teaching him. sighs.

sad me feels happier lately. but theres really lots of work to do.

praise God for all that He is!

i am still tired. i wanna sleep somemore. yawns

i marvel at my stupidity. i just sent an important email to myself. i hope i will still be alive tomorrow.

i thought of something, shall we go to the underwater world together? please? call me?

+fuming mad

okay. i am not supposed to be here. i have work undone. i am damn tired but i still need to do some research.

going to camp was really fun. i still smile as i think of the camp people. but there's lots of work to do. i skipped visual literacy today. bad day to skip. according to the evil one, half the class is not there. i wanted to skip french too. but i will never catch up if i miss one. i didnt get full marks for my test. quite badly done, in my opinion.

meeting today sucks too. what is new. she is late. she better be sorry. i am getting damn irritated. its not the first time, but as long as we meet, she is late.

and the damn year twos. they present rubbish in OUR studio and say we are intruders. damn. they not only put rubbish in our studio, they dump rubbish and their presence is rubbish enough. especially that little people better be careful.

a letter for mr lim
dear mr lim, on any usual days i would not mind having you have your class in our studio for presentations. but today is somewhat different. i have been away from school for one week and have lots to do and to see so much rubbish on my table is definitely not my kind of way to start school. your students infest our studio with their presence and their rubbish. definitely not the inspiration you would like to make on the seniors. i would really hope that you do not bring your students back into our studios again because if they are so disrespectful, i would like to think that they might not be too ethical too. we do have expensive stuff in our studio at any moment. i do not mean any disrespect. i look up to you as a good designer and good lecturer and it was not my desire to make you pick up the rubbish your students put under my table. uncle david would not have approved of it either. but your students are just too detestable. irritating and pestlike. i do hope you will have a good time teaching them because if i am a bad student then i think they have no place on this earth.

yours sincerely.

damn the year twos.