i am apparently having this allergy thingy now. i am filled with red dots. very itchy.

i got a little upset today without knowing why. its happening more these days. i dont know why.
i dont understand the things we are doing.
i dont understand why is it that you have exams and you can be late.
i dont understand why cant people think just because they have exams.

i like the way my mom brought me up in the sense that i became quite independent at a young age though they are very protective parents and grandparents and uncles. though i am not allowed to go to school or back from school on my own even at primary six when home was just a ten minutes walk, i was left alone a lot to do my own stuff, i study when i want, i sleep at my own time, i play when i like it. i go for camps as and when i like because my mum respects a lot of my decision. and i remember in secondary one when i failed my first math test, i called home the minute i could, just to tell my mom i failed my math test. my mum doesnt expects that, i want to do that. even today, when i want to buy a set of books that costs about hundred dollars, and i was going to spend my own money, i called my mum to ask her if i could buy the books. i think its silly. i think my mom likes it when i call her. we dont really talk at home, but when we get a chance to talk on the phone, we will talk nonstop. when i need to cry, i will call my mom. when i get upset, i will call my mum. sometimes we dont need someone to respond, we need someone to listen, my mum is like the best listener. i will get shy if i cry in front of her, but i dont mind calling her to cry. she listens, and it makes me happy.

i never realised that perhaps my mum is my best friend. though i cant tell her a lot of things, but somehow she doesnt need to know either. i came home with a heavy heart today. but the moment i reached home, i feel very safe and secure. i like my home. though a lot changed. but my mom will still sleep on the sofa till i reach home.

i am a mommy's girl *grin.






right. now the stuff that is making me sad i think which might not be yet it could be.
i dont fit in quite well. i need to go home for dinner. i need to be home when my brothers are not home. i warm up to people very slowly when i dont have to be the one that welcomes you sorta thing, like in ye, its not my real personality. i got a very short attention span, thats why i offend people so easily. i hate it when people are slow because they are not making the effort. i offend people alot. unknowingly not that i like but i dont mind actually. i got an imaginary friend, which a lot of people disagree but i need someone to talk to sometimes. i show my displeasure on my face, more like bu shuang on my face. next time i will just buy the can drink and put it on my table. i dont like people to tell me what to do because i have brains and i can think but i need initative from people. i dont like it when people cannot think beyond not that i think very far but i think at least two hours in advance. i think water from different places have different taste. i dont like it when you go online and people expect you to talk to them just because you are online and you say hi to me. dont make it sound like i got to talk to you. i hate it. i dont like junkmail. i hate people who send junkmail. i miss a lot of people.

i miss you.

i want to cry.